I was thunderstruck when I replied this question with hot tears flowing down my cheek, I couldn't take it off my head for days and as it is, my unborn generation will learned from it because it can't escaped my memory. I could vividly remember that ten years ago, I was ten years old with bright hope of better twenty years, dreaming of coming out of university with first class degree, working in a conducive enivironment and having my own house and car without involving in illegal act to achieve my dreams.
This very question reminds of my favorite poem in college, "Panic of growing older" by Lenrie Peters, The theme of the poem is a stretch of human life, stating from one's teen years to later .. life. As one ages, one wonders what is in stock for one. Thus, the main idea could be said to be the various stages of one's exist hence, imbued with going into the future with expectation and of the actual old age which may not be as one had thought at the beginning. As the poem is about the end, the initial aspiration has no corresponding sense of self-satisfaction. Moreover, one is now enfeebled by age such that "the world has you".
The light of the poem lighted the darkness in the question that caused heartache and depression in me, the question made me think like a special loser, I created moments in the sleeping night to ruminated on those secret ingredients that contributed to my ruined plans and my reaction towards those secretive ingredients.
The first ingredients that spicy and ruined my glorious plans is the environment I find myself, the environment is full of individuals that are after their own betterment, neglecting those who had nothing to entrusted their energy and ideas. the environment is segregated, few has the opportunity to go to school while some has privileged to learn a vacation which has delayed and shifted their focus from their intended plan. In my continent, it is their believe that if an actions is not making money, it is not making sense contrary to other continents, their believe is, "if it is not making progress, it is not making sense", my continent so called BELIEVE has produced more illegal ways to get money which it is also map that's leading the prestigious reputation the continent has in decades to mud.
Procrastination has dealt with me seriously, I can remember how my mom will rain insult on me for neglecting the assignment I ought to have done after eating my lunch but I will tell her that I will do it in the night, when the night comes, nature will avoid me from doing it and this resulted to my lateness to school. It is true that procrastination is a thief of time but I lose my guard for armless thief that rob me of my glorious plans easily.
Just like Yoda said to Luke Skywalker, “You don’t believe it, that’s why you fail.” I lack faith that is why things aren't going to working out, Had it been I have firm faith, everything I'm doing will work out in the end. In my primary school days, I judge myself with the physical circumstances, thinking that those who answer rigid questions in class are better than I, but I got to know after I challenged myself to read ahead of class, this attitude gave me a change being from dull student to intelligent student.
The people around me have nearly dragged me to early grave, an adage goes thus "we don't focus on the noisy market, we focus on what we there to buy", I have focused on what people think and say about the path I ought to have thread to my chosen career. The major thing people can do to make you down is to create a fake fear that would seems real but it is futile after you ignored it, and if you fell for it, it becomes huge rock.
Ergo, in order not to fall into the same trap twice, the scenerio has taught that there's need to believe in myself and my abilities, because "I CAN DO IT". A favorite quote of mine says: “By believing passionately in something that does not yet exist, we create it.” The first step before anyone believes in you is believing in yourself. The story of Thomas Stanley Holland, In his late teens, during a lull in his career, Holland briefly attended carpentry school in Cardiff, Wales.He was bullied in school for being a dancer.He was diagnosed with dyslexia at age seven, his networth is $15m and the Guiness book of record acknowledge him as the youngest successful actor in MCU.
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